with your own penis?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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