I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize