I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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