If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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