new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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