I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
