i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
