I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
