How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
