I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
