don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
