I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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