Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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