Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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