So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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