I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
