I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
