Pappa wants mamma naked
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
