No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
