Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
