She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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