I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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