sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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