Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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