my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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