apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
