In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
