I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
