Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
