It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
