Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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