hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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