At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
