well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You made out with two different species that night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
