I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
