Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
