What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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