i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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