yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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