its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
