if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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