In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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