I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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