If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
