The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Enjoy the penises
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
