Betty ford says i'm here all night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
