if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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