Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
