I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize