Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
