Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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