I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
