Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
