$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
