I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk