You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls