I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
