I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
