My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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