Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
