I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
