the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
