Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
