she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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