There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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