But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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