What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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