the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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