bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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